Obama Helps Police Catch Robber

Apparently, Obama didn’t give enough “free” stuff to his minions:

President Obama T-shirt helps Corpus Christi police catch suspected robbery
By John Allen – Caller.com

CORPUS CHRISTI — A man accused of stealing a cellphone from a teen at a bus stop was found thanks in part to his President Barack Obama T-shirt, Corpus Christi police said.

Officers were called to a convenience store in the 4300 block of Ayers Street at 12:45 a.m. Wednesday [...]

Gee. How funny is it that this happened on Ayers St.? You know, as in Bill Ayers; bestest Komrade and big toe of Obama?

[...] where a 16-year-old told them he was robbed while waiting at a nearby bus stop. The teen said a thin black man between 20-25 years old with short hair and wearing a black shirt with President Obama’s image, red shorts and black shoes threatened to shoot him if he did not give up his cellphone.

Officers later spotted a man fitting that description at Kostoryz and McArdle roads.

While police questioned the man, one officer called the cellphone of the victim and a phone in the man’s possession began ringing. Police said they found no weapon on the man. Daniel Lamont Simmons, 26, was identified by the victim as the man who threatened him, police said. Simmons is in Nueces County Jail on a $15,000 bond for suspicion of aggravated robbery. According to Nueces County District Clerk website, Simmons has 11 previous convictions, including one for assault and another for theft.

[...]

Bristol Palin’s Dancing Causes Man to Shoot Televison Set and Threaten to Kill Himself

I’m guessing he’s not a Republican:

Man Shoots TV Over Bristol Palin Dancing
Suspect surrendered after 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin cops

The Smoking Gun

NOVEMBER 17–Like most Americans, Steven Cowan has been perplexed by Bristol Palin’s curious ability to keep advancing in TV’s “Dancing with the Stars” competition.

However, unlike other viewers, Cowan, 66, allegedly became so enraged by Palin’s success that he actually fired a shotgun round into his television, triggering a 15-hour standoff with Wisconsin cops.

According to a criminal complaint, Cowan’s wife called police Monday evening to report that her husband had blasted the TV and was threatening to kill himself. Cowan, who had been drinking, became angry while watching Palin, 20, perform on the ABC program.

As Palin, pictured at left, was dancing, Cowan “jumped up and swore, saying something to the effect of, ‘The fucking politics.’ Steven was upset that a political figure’s daughter was dancing on this particular show when Steven did not think that she was a good dancer,” the complaint notes. Cowan is pictured in the above mug shot.

Janice Cowan told Dane County Sheriff’s Office deputies that she called 911 after her husband blasted the TV and then pointed the shotgun at her. She added that Cowan warned her that he would kill himself if she brought anyone back to their home in the town of Vermont.

After a lengthy standoff with cops, Cowan surrendered yesterday at 11 AM. He is facing disorderly conduct and weapons charges.

He was sitting in the Dane County jail last night when Palin landed a spot in the “Dancing with the Stars” finals. However, a sheriff’s spokesperson told TSG that Cowan “currently does not have access to television.”

Who Launched a Missile Off the Coast of California?

A missile launch caught by a San Diego news station has military officials claiming they know nothing about it:

Yeah, the guy they interviewed, Robert Ellsworth (former Deputy Secretary of Defense) is waaaaaay off base if he thinks this might be a show of Obama’s military might to Asia!  No wonder he’s retired…

Personally, I was hoping that someone had shoved Pelosi and Boxer into a missile and then “accidentally” hit the launch button…

Taliban Training Monkey Mujahideen?

Monkey see, monkey do, I guess:

Taliban Training Monkey Soldiers for Jihad?
By Max Fisher  – The Atlantic Wire

The People’s Daily, a newspaper produced by China’s ruling communist party, has either been hilariously pranked or has out-reported every news outlet in Afghanistan to secure the scoop of the century. The outlet today reports that the Taliban in Afghanistan is “training monkeys to use weapons to attack American troops.” After 16 years of war and nine years of battling the U.S., the Islamist insurgents have decided to arm monkeys with “AK-47 rifles and Bren light machine guns in the Waziristan tribal region near the border between Pakistan and Afghanistan.”

The Chinese author, who apparently believes that PETA is more influential than the 31 percent of Americans who oppose the Afghan war, tries to explain what’s happening. “Analysts believe that apart from using ‘monkey killers’ to attack the American troops, the Taliban also sought to arouse Western animal protectionists to pressure their governments to withdraw troops from Afghanistan.”

Ace blogger and journalist Steve Hynd uncovered this strange article, adding, “I have no idea where China’s People’s Daily got this or what it thinks it’s doing by publishing it, but it’s too weird/funny not to pass along. … Banana Akhbar!” It’s not clear what species of monkey is involved in the alleged jihad, but the most likely may be the mischievous Rhesus Macaque, which can be found in parts of Afghanistan.

Oddly, the People’s Daily article cites an unnamed “British-based media agency” and insists, “The report and photos have been widely spread by media agencies and Web sites across the world.” As if the story were not strange enough, it ends with this bit of history, which Hynd confirms has no actual basis:

Ironically, the initiators of “monkey soldiers” are the Americans. Between the 1960s and the 1970s, the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) trained massive “monkey soldiers” in the Vietnam War and dispatched armed monkeys to dangerous jungles to launch assaults on Vietnamese soldiers. Today, the Taliban forces have given the American troops some of their own medicine.

When armed animals enter interpersonal wars, what kind of world will we face? This cannot but arouse our reflections and concerns.

The Atlantic Wire cannot speak for everyone but our reflections have certainly been aroused.

Al Qaeda’s Hidden Weapon – The Butt Bomb

Uhm…  I’m not gonna’ touch this one:

The Butt Bomb
Al Qaeda’s hidden weapon.
Michael Crowley – January 7, 2010 – TNR

In the wake of the failed bombing attempt by Nigerian Al Qaeda operative Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, airport security experts are wringing their hands over how to stop the next underwear bomber. X-ray machines don’t detect the type of explosive, known as PETN, that Abdulmutallab carried. Only a careful pat-down around Abdulmutallab’s crotch, where the explosive had been sewn into his undies, would have detected his deadly cargo. But Abdulmutallab’s al Qaeda handlers knew that pat-downs are rare and that social mores make highly intrusive, crotch-fondling searches almost unheard of. In the wake of the Abdulmutallab episode, however, standards will change. Pat downs will become more common—and more intrusive. We may not see the famous vision of the crazed dictator from Woody Allen’s Bananas—“Underwear shall be worn on the outside!”—but those searches by hand are likely to get a little more, shall we say, intimate.

Even a pat-down thorough enough to simulate foreplay, however, won’t protect us completely—not from a threat that sounds even more absurd than an underwear bomb and that is also more alarming: the butt bomb.

The concept is simple. Rather than sew explosives into his underwear, a terrorist might actually plant a bomb, which can weigh as little as a pound, inside his anal cavity. Like drug mules, would-be butt bombers could store the explosives inside a condom.

Sound crazy? Perhaps. But security experts initially believed that a terrorist’s derriere nearly killed a top Saudi Arabian counterterrorism official last fall. Back in August, an Al Qaeda-connected militant named Abdullah Assiri offered to turn himself into Saudi authorities and enlist in a state-run terrorist rehabilitation program. Exhibiting a healthy skepticism, the Saudis reportedly subjected Assiri to two airport-style X-ray scans and other security checks. Finding no weapons or explosives on his body, security agents ushered Assiri into the palace of the counterterrorism chief, Prince Muhammad Bin Nayef, who is also the son of a likely heir to the Saudi throne.

Swedish Court Rules Parents Cannot Name Their Child “Allah”

But, naming your child Jesus is perfectly acceptable…  Sheesh!  Talk about a nanny state!

Parents refused right to name son Allah

Published: 23 Dec 09 – TheLocal.se

In the latest battle over what people may legally call their children, the Swedish Tax Authority (Skatteverket) has ruled that the parents of a two-month-old boy in Skåne in southern Sweden may not call their child Allah.

According to the decision, Skatteverket does not approve “names that can give offence or be seen to cause discomfort for the bearer”. In this case, Skatteverket was “of the opinion that the name can be seen as objectionable for religious reasons.”

Skatteverket legal expert Lars Tegenfeldt told The Local that devout members of the public might take offense to certain names with highly religious connotations.

“God or Allah or the Devil is offensive to the public. Not me personally, but there are religious people who think so,” he said.

“Some religious names though, like Jesus, are normal,” he added.

There have been several high profile cases in Sweden over the authority’s seemingly arbitrary decisions regarding first names it deems acceptable.

In 2007, for example, a couple was initially banned from calling their daughter Metallica (a decision later overturned), while authorities in another part of Sweden allowed a baby boy to be called Google. Other controversial names rejected by the agency have included Q, Token and Michael Jackson.

The parents told The Local they do not plan to appeal the Skatteverket’s decision rejecting the name Allah.

Where’s Global Warming When You Need It?

Boise firefighters rescue boy whose tongue was stuck to metal pole
By Patrick Orr – idahostatesman.com
Published: 12/08/09-

Memo to children — and adults for that matter — everywhere: Don’t try to emulate Flick from “A Christmas Story.” Ever. Your tongue will get stuck to a metal pole when the temperature is -2.

Boise fire officials were able to help a boy whose tongue was stuck to a metal fence pole outside the Fairmont pool near the corner of Milwaukee and Northview streets Tuesday morning. Firefighters didn’t ask him his age but said he was probably 10.

The boy is OK, Boise Fire Capt. Bill Tinsley said Tuesday morning. The boy’s tongue was bleeding a little bit but there was no visible tearing, Tinsley said.

“I’ve been doing this 20 some years and this is the first (tongue frozen to pole call) I’ve had,” Tinsley said. “Poor guy.”

A woman driving by the pool saw the boy standing there, figured out what was going on, and called 911 a short time after 8 a.m.

When Boise firefighters arrived, they found the boy standing by the 8 foot tall chain link fence with his tongue stuck to the fence pole, Tinsley said.

Firefighters brought a glass of warm water with them and poured it on the pole, and the boy’s tongue came unstuck almost immediately, Tinsley said.

Tinsley said there were no other kids around when firefighters arrived. The boy didn’t say much, and once they determined he was OK, firefighters let him walk to school.

Well, I know we are all thinking about it, so here’s the famous scene from A Christmas Story:

Army Reservist Gets Street Cred from His Muggers

Only in America:

Milwaukee muggers see Army ID, return wallet

By CARRIE ANTLFINGER (AP) – via Google News

MILWAUKEE — A Milwaukee Army reservist’s military identification earned him some street cred Tuesday, when he says four men who mugged him at gunpoint returned his belongings and thanked him for his service after finding the ID.

The 21-year-old University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee student said he was walking home from work about 1:15 a.m. Tuesday when he was pulled into an alley and told to lay face down and with a gun to his neck. Four men took his wallet, $16, keys, his cell phone and even a PowerBar wrapper from his pants pockets, he said.

But the hostile tone quickly changed when one of the robbers, whom the reservist presumed was the leader, saw an Army ID in the wallet. The robber told the others to return the items and they put most of his belongings on the ground next to him, including the wrapper, the reservist said.

“The guy continued to say throughout the situation that he respects what I do and at one point he actually thanked me and he actually apologized,” said the reservist, who asked not to be identified Tuesday because the robbers still had his keys.

[...]

“The leader of the group actually walked back, gave me a quick fist bump, which was very strange,” he said.

[...]

Stupid Husband Lists Wife’s Name as ‘Guantanamo’ on Cellphone

As Jeff Foxworthy Bill Engvall would say:

Here’s your sign:

Saudi woman sees red over Gitmo jibe
Oct 18 10:12 AM US/Eastern – AFP – via Breitbart

A Saudi woman is suing for divorce after she found out that her husband had branded her “Guantanamo” on his cellphone, a report said on Sunday.

The wife took a look at the phone when her husband of 17 years left it at home, only to discover that his phonebook entry for her came under the name of the notorious US war-on-terror prison in Cuba, the Al-Watan newspaper reported.

Outraged, the woman, who was not identified, demanded divorce or, at the least, substantial damages, Al-Watan said.

Census Worker Killed in Kentucky

Someone probably didn’t get the memo that ACORN is no longer doing the census:

Census Worker Hanged
WKRG

WASHINGTON, D.C. – (AP) – A colleague of a Census worker found hanged in Kentucky describes him as an “innocent person” who saw only good in the world.

Officials say they’re continuing to investigate the death of Bill Sparkman, who was found hanged from a tree with the word “fed” scrawled on his chest.

The body of the 51-year-old part-time Census worker and substitute teacher was found Sept. 12 in a remote patch of the Daniel Boone National Forest in southeast Kentucky. A law enforcement official isn’t saying what type of instrument was used to write on Sparkman’s chest.

The FBI is investigating whether Sparkman was a victim of anti-government sentiment.
[...]