Obama and the Router-in-Chief
By Dr. Bulldog
Okay. In case you were wondering where I have been lately, my wireless “router-in-chief” apparently couldn’t stomach my mordacious criticism of Our Dark Overlord any longer and decided to just stop working while still collecting a paycheck, or something like that. Naturally, it took me a while to troubleshoot the problem as the router was fairly new and I couldn’t quite wrap my head around the fact that such a young, good-looking router with so much to live for and so much to offer society had suddenly decided to just check out.
Mind you, my router didn’t just come into the office one day and announce to me that it had decided to quit working and I could just kiss its @ss. Nooooo, I had to suss out that little factoid on my own.
You see, the router would show up for work and all, but the job wasn’t getting done. Every time I needed the router to connect to the internet, it would go on a vacation, or go golfing, or something. I would log into the router ask it how it was doing and it would tell me that everything was hunky-dory and that it wasn’t its fault that I couldn’t stay connected to the internet for more than a minute or two. Nope, it just kept blaming the internet provider for being the cause of the network connectivity problems. So, I checked with the internet provider. The internet provider in turn checked out its equipment and then “politely” said, “No, the problem is on YOUR end!”
So, after I got off the phone with the internet provider, I asked the router again how it was doing and if it was having any problems today? True to form, it stuck to its guns and repeated the lie that everything was hunky-dory and that the problem wasn’t its fault. After letting the router-in-chief ramble on and on for a while, I decided to inform the router that the internet provider had said that the problem wasn’t on their end of things, but was most likely something on my end of the equation. To which the router stuttered a bit, shifted gears, and promptly started blaming the modem for being the cause of ALL the problems.
Now, mind you, the humble modem is a difficult employee to talk to. You see, the modem is set in “bridged” mode and, as such, has taken a vow of silence when I try to talk to it using the wireless router as the mediator. That is to say, my modem humbly sits there; transparently and efficiently doing its job without nary a peep as it passes messages and packets between the router-in-chief and the internet provider. In fact, that little son-of-a-beach, b@st@rd router-in-chief often takes much of the credit for the modem’s hard, diligent work and habitually pretends to not know who I am talking about when I ask it if I can chat with the modem. Needless to say, asking the router to let me talk to the modem only ends in frustration. So, I pulled some strings and re-wired a bunch of cables in order to set up a little “sit-down” chat with the modem. When I was finally able to talk to the modem, the modem told me that it was doing its job as usual and didn’t know why the heck the router was so intent on blaming it for being the cause of the problem. Coming out of the meeting with the modem, I finally came to grips with the reality that the wireless router was lying its @ss off and placing blame on others for its own incompetence and failure to perform the job it was hired to do!
Therefore, I had no choice but to “mutually” agree to fire the worthless wireless router for unmitigated incompetence and compulsive lying while blaming everyone else for problems it created. I’m sure it will have a great time collecting a perpetually extended unemployment check, or something like that while it sits around doing nothing all day long.
Anyway, I had to juggle a few bills just to scrounge up some cash—which is no painless task considering that the cost of food and other essentials has been skyrocketing as of late—and then pour some precious fuel into our hydrocarbon powered eco-vehicle in order to make a trip to one of the local stores to “hire” a new router.
After a slightly bumpy start in acclimating the new wireless router to its environment (the easier hardware manufacturers try to make the setup software for the average user, the more frustrating and time consuming it becomes for us computer nerds), things are shaping up and I’m back online!
I can only hope and pray that this new router will take its job seriously and remove that bad taste left in my mouth by the previous router-in-chief.Computers, Computing, Hope, Obama Sucks, politics, Technology